When Your Cow Discovers Social Media

It's some body's birthday month here at the farm. 

One of the kids?

Well not exactly...

Yes, it's Sweetie's  birthday.  In case you're new to this, my heifer is turning three years old as of mid March and she thinks she's one of the family.  Or may be we think she is and she could care less.  Not sure.  She does like the attention however. 

Anyway, back to the subject at hand.  My heifer....Facebook...it was a matter of time folks.  It started when I would put photo's up on my page about that goofy bovine of mine; how she would dig trash out of the dumspter, put a hole through my screen door, sneak in the shop and had diarrhea all over the floor (wait a minute, she's starting to turn into a liability instead of an asset).

Well, people got a kick out of her and her shenanigans.  Then someone suggested that she get her own page on Facebook, especially after the pumpkin patch this year when we thought she was at her peak of stardom.  I thought, 'hey, she's old enough for her own page, as long as she doesn't put up anything embarrassing of her herself.'

I kid...she hasn't mastered the computer yet since her hooves are too big for typing, LOL. Again, kidding. 

In less than a month that cow has buddies from all over the world.  Seriously.  She's almost up to 200. She has contests about Ag trivia and is has prize giveaways (which are non other than 8x10 glossy photos of herself.

So do I regret my decision?

Only if she gets more friends than I have. 

Sincerely,
Fairchild Farmgirl.

PS Her "handle" on Facebook is Sweetie Moo Fairchild.

"MOM! Don't Clean My Room!" and More From A Disgruntled Housewife

"Guess what?" I ask my daughter as we pulled out of our meeting spot on a Friday night not too long ago.

"What?" she said with a smile that I knew was not going to last too long.

"We're going to clean your room," I say almost getting a kick out of what her response would be.

"Ugh! I hate it when you help!" She said as she slunked down into the seat of the gray ghost.  (Thats what I call a beat up Yukon that is apparently invisible to animals.)

You know, I don't mind cleaning, washing, feeding and all else that I do, but sometimes it gets to be a little much.

For example, I stepped outside the other day, and right on my front porch was a huge pile a la Sweetie. The irony in it?  Some how, there was a huge papertowel crumpled up laying right in the middle of it. 

HUH?

I know, "only at our place" is the only excuse I can give at this point.  The weird thing (yes, even more weird than a heifer lounging on a front porch) No one else had been out that day because it was so cold, did Fluffy try to help her?  Like, "Suzanne's going to be mad enough that you put a huge pile of poo on the steps, maybe if I clean you up she won't be as mad."

Not really, now I have a frozen terd pile with a huge paper towel frozen in it. 

On.my.front.porch.where.everyone.has.to.walk.around.when.they.come.over.

What's the point of this story?

That I could hire out my heifer for Charmin commercials?  No.  Well maybe, but I digress. 

I think the fact of the matter is, is that even I pulled out NINE bags of trash out of my daughter's bedroom, I pick up enough food off of my floor daily to make me wonder why we don't have a huge mouse problem (Big D says it's because "A mouse would walk in here and run out again..it'd think it was one big trap.).

The fact of the matter is, I do love my life.  My kids messy as they are, are pretty cool.  Them, along with my husband as caring as he is and as goofy as my cow is....

means I should be getting me one heck of a Valentines Day Gift! 

Sincerely,
Fairchild "Wading through the piles" Farmgirl

In With the New and Out With the Old

Happy January!

It's a new year people, with bright ideas and sturdy goals for the upcoming 365 days. 
I definately have more fun planning the goal list than I do working on the goals I'm afraid.

How about you? What are your goals?  Is it to lose the dreaded weight we put on over the holidays?  Is it to be more kind to people?  Is it to be more money savvy?

Think hard on it, what would you like to do? 

This article is going to be a short one.  That's only because I'm going to get busy working on my goal list. 

Right now.

Have a blessed New Year.  Be good to people.  Be charitable.  Be honest in your business dealings.

Just be.
Fairchild Farmgirl

Christmas...Conquering the Fiscal Cliff

Who would'a thunk that having our ninth kid would've made my world crazy?  I really apologize for not blogging lately.  It's been hectic to say the least.

So as we look at the calender and the sights around town, we see that Christmas is fast approaching.  Did you break the bank on Black Friday, Cyber Monday or like our priest called Thanksgiving Day or "Blood Thirsty Thursday"? 

Not me...crowds aren't my thing.

I would love however, to talk about Small Business Saturday.  I know, I know, it's come and gone, but we can treat the whole month this way by spending our money locally. 

For the hard to buy for, pick up a gift card from Steele's Service or one of the many gas stations in Canby.  Each year when Gate City Store gets their chocolate covered peanuts in, I'm right there.  They make a great gift...after all, who doesn't like them? Not only that, but they really have some good deals here and there.  Back before we raised our own pigs, we used to buy all our bacon from Rob's locker.  He has the best bacon.

Then there's Canby.  Many business' come to mind.  Paper Moon (the best wrapping paper), Mobergs Meats (best brats!) Rhonda's Originals, Cenex (who wouldn't love a gift card for gas?) etc. The most fun that I have with the kids each year, is when I take them Christmas shopping at Canby Drug.  Before we go, I sit each of them down and we talk about a budget and what each child would like to get each of their siblings. 

They have a budget:

$1.50 per person.

That's right.  The older kids have to PUT IN $1.50 to match my $1.50 for each sibling.  It seems when they have to shell out a little green, more thought and caring go into it. 

So as I sat down with Rachel, we talked about Cody. 

"I bet Cody would love gum or a new mechanical pencil" I said to her as she wrote a future purchase very carefully for each child.
"Or I could buy him a new laptop" She said matter-a-factly and not looking up from her paper.

Something tells me she's sailing down the fiscal cliff like a bat outta Haiti!
Sincerely,
"Furiously laying down the law for when Levi suggests getting Dad a new tractor"
Fairchild Farmgirl.

To My Fellow Halloweenies.

Some of you might expect me to talk all about our new baby that we had September 8th and not stop this whole article...

I'll refrain.

Even though he is so cute, chubby, perfect, and I just want to kiss the crap out of him non-stop, I have even bigger fish to fry: 

Halloween.

I could start out with a story, true even...that happened 6 years ago on Halloween night:

My blond haired, blue eyed, heifer riding Rachel was born!

But I digress...

Back to this very special month of October: 

Look around you...the crops are in, the beetles are out, the dogs growing her winter fur, the ram is doing what he's supposed to be doing, the culls in the feedlot are doing well, even dropping calves every so often. 

The air is also crisp and the frost is definitely on the pumpkin. 

So, do you know what time it is?

Time to open the farm up to school kids, families and parties.  It's the Fairchild Pumpkin Patch time! 

Time to introduce kids to Sweetie the heifer, let the kids feel a sheep and watch a piglet poop all over my sweatshirt when I pick one up so they can feel it's bristly hair. 

Tis the season to stay up on Friday and Saturday night way past midnight making apple pies and filling orders for caramel apples.

Waiting for the sounds of kids giggling as they run through a 200 round bale maze or laugh as they take a ride on a barrel train. 

Wondering what the classes that come out are going to think about all the smells and sounds that come with riding through our feedlot, picking out their favorite cow and touching and smelling the feed that the cows eat. 

Listening to moms and dads chuckle at some of the funny haunts that we have made on the walking trail...

Yep, bring on October...Fairchild Farms is ready for it. 

Sincerely,

The Soon To Be Caffienated Farmgirl

PS...Here's baby Tedd looking very suprised,, LOL!  He's named after Ron's wonderful uncle Ted.  He's missed so much but seeing baby Tedd's face makes us feel like Uncle Ted is right here with us. 

Hillbilly Hog Fishing

As I'm sitting here waiting not so patiently to have this baby, I thought to get my mind of fthis wrenching backache, I'd write a blog post.  After all, last night came the best fodder for a story yet. 

Hillbilly Hog Fishing.

I know, what??? 

Well in the picture above, can you see two market weight hogs?  One's blackened by mud, and ones got a sunburn.  =)

Yesterday morning was my doctor appointment and our dear friend and neighbor Joyce came to watch the kids so we could go there by ourselves and not be bombarded with questions, like, "why do you have to take your pants off mom?" 

It was nice, I actually got the nap in the truck.  It was heavenly.  We got home and Joyce told us that the pigs got out and her husband Randy came to put them back, with a little bit of our other neighbors "help by phone" to tell him where they go.  What would we do without great people in our lives?

I won't even tell you how Joyce cleaned our house.

If I did, you'd probably kidnap her.  She totally didn't have to, but probably felt sorry for me. =)


It was grody.

I digress...now to the story at hand.

So when she left, Ron went out and counted the pigs.  The two big ones were gone.  They have a date with Moberg Meats in town on the 17th.  Not good. 

We went out looking for them and I actually spotted them in the lower part of the feedlot.  "Let's wait til the kids get home," Ron said as we sized up the situation.  "I think they're fine." He said.

"I don't think so," I said, they look dead. "They're okay", he said.

After supper, Cody went out there and came back up.  "Mom!  I hear from the yard.  Those pigs are stuck in the clay and cow poop.  I don't know how they're gonna get out." 

What?  How does a pig become stuck?  Aren't their bodies designed for mud? LOL!

Well after supper we all head down to the feedlot.  Because you know, it's not everyday that you get to see two supposed stuck hogs in your feedlot.  It was better than Heehaw with popcorn. 

Big D asked if there was a chain in the box of the four wheeler and Kara who was at this point on the sidelines, took it out to him. 

Then.got.chased.out.by.a.Charolais.  Not to laugh at our kids, but dang...it was so funny we all laughed.  First mistake, as soon as it started bucking at her a little, she took off running.  Second mistake...she ran right into the corner of the fence.  He was hauling butt right after her.  I've NEVER seen anyone climb a fence that fast.  She didn't stop until she was up about 7 feet.  "Can he still get me?" 

"I don't think he's a good climber." I said between giggles.  "IF he was going to hurt you for real, he would've smoked ya before you even got to the second sucker rod on the fence.  He was just playing around." 

Now she got to see what we get to deal with every day.
 

That's Big D taking a breather from trying to push the pig out.  He's gathered quite the crowd.  Sorry for the bad pic, you'll have to just imagine this little scenario in your mind.  There's Cody with the chain that they wrapped around it's belly and both pulled. 

Well, they eventually got it pulled out, and we got them both out of the feedlot.  What an ordeal.  Then it was trying to get them back up to the hog pen.  So after we got boots scraped and sprayed off, had a kid in the shower, a kid in the kitchen sink and another kid in the bathroom sink (it was getting late, come on work with me here!) 

I got yet another uncomfortable question after I was tucking in and kissing good nights...

"Mom, can you still smell feedlot on me?"

Sincerely,

Fairchild "I'm going to try to invent something that will get the crap smell off of my kids so they can go to school the next day". Farmgirl

Here She Is To Save The Day!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now read the title of this blog over again in a sing song fashion...I kid!  Only if the mood strikes you. 

By the way, I figured I needed to blog since God gave us a wonderful rain this past weekend.  I've said before that I'm as spotty as a rain shower, well, here I am.

Back to the story:

Now, for some of you this story is a repeat.  If you've seen Grace (pictured above) in the gas station, the grocery store, the post office or if you've stopped out at the farm to buy a tomato, you've heard it already.  It's a good one, and she claims she's a cow hero, so here it is, one more time...

Our daughter Kara and I were up testing grapes for the buyer as well as doing some picking from what the cow birds had missed (last year we were told that birds were color blind and not to worry about our white grapes.  Apparently they got contacts or had a optometrist visit, because they cleaned out 70% the whites in three days.) Argh!

Grace and her little sister were riding their bikes around the cattle pens and raced up to where we were at. 

"MOM!  There's a cow in the west pen having a baby!"

What?    I thought to myself?  That pen is all steers.  We have taught the kids to come tell us when there is something out of the ordinary so I thought I better check on it. 

We all load up in the big wheeler and head down to see a steer on it's side, severely bloated, and...

Big D.not.around.

Dang it!  BTW, Big D could be here 6 months straight and things would go so smoothly, the minute he leaves, I seriously think the critters plot against me.  That day he was putting in a kitchen in town.

I crawled over the gate as fast as a 8 month pregnant 38 year old could go and went to size up the situation. 

NOT GOOD.

By this time, he had banged his head against the ground so many times that his eye had swelled shut.  I tried to get him up myself and that wasn't working.  I called Ron and told him, then found one of my wonderful neighbors on his tractor and convinced him that he needed to come with me.  After all, I only needed him for "10 minutes" ...LOL!

After trying to shove a hose down his throat unsuccessfully to try and get the gas out, I called the vet and thought maybe we could stick him (with a knife) as long as we knew the exact area to do it in.  You have to be pretty precise. 

Just then, Ron pulled up, got the bobcat and helped the steer to his feet with the bucket.  You could tell that the bovine felt better already just by being on his feet.  Then the vet showed up and used the coolest tool ever. 

See that red circle on it's back?  That is to keep it from bloating.  The vet uses that to keep the bloated stomach open then as the stomach heals, the cork screw works itself out.  Isn't veterinary medicine fascinating?  Well, it is to me.  Later that evening Big D and I went to a baseball fundraiser where we sat with a married couple who live down the road from us.  He showed me how to do it with an IV needle if I'm ever in that situation again and alone.  Very cool. 

So, if you see Grace out and about ask her about her heroism...she'll look at you with those serious blue eyes of hers and tell you, "Yep, I saved it's life. You know, it's always important to look through the cows and see if you see anything strange.  If you do, you gotta tell your mom or dad."

Sincerely,
I think my kids rock, Fairchild Farmgirl.