Thursday, August 4, 2011

Ten Things The Grapes Have Done To Me

1. Made me an efficient worker.  "I've got a million things to do, and yet I'm out here.  Stupid grapes!"
2. Made me a one else wants to work on them.  At first I thought, 'wow, this is nice," now I   have conversations with grapevines, pigs, cows...anything that will listen. 
3. Made me my best friend...I said I was working out there by myself didnt' I?

4.Made me senile...who the heck told me to plant these grapes anyway? When I get a hold of them...!  Oops that stupid idea came from yours truly.
5. Made me talk about myself in the third person.  Oh, when I find Suzanne (I know where she lives) I WILL GET HER...damn these grapes!
6.  Made me think about stuff. In depth. A lot. I go over the same thing. Again. And. Again.  I now have familiarized myself with the term "going postal".  I've got 5 of the 10 warning signs.

7. Made me a creature of habit.  Wear the tool apron just so.  Listen to the same CD (all summer).  Work on the right side of each row.  Go down the left side after I've finished.  Talk to each vine trunk and tell it what's doing wrong.  Again I don't see D or the kids...=)  Just kidding...I think.  I will have to ask me tomorrow if that's true or not.  I'm sure my BBF will tell me...

Crap, I am going crazy.

8. Made me hear everything.  Who said silence is golden?  I've found through the summer as I'm all alone singing the same song over and over to the pigs that I hear everything. I'm also too social to be by myself. 

Do you know what still drives me nuts though?

"MOM!!! Can I have a cool pop?" Shouted from the house.  Or "MOM!!" Silence. "WHAT?" More silence. "MOM!" Still silent.  I see them on the step from the vineyard I wave, they pretend not to see me as they repeat over and over,  "M-O-M!!!"  So I go all the way up there, and I get this..."Mom, can I have a cool pop?"


9.  Made me not afraid of dead mice anymore.  Or crazy large caterpillars. Now when I step over one that the cats have killed I don't have a canary.  I will be going to get my foot amputated if I step on one however.  Also, I dont' freak when I go to grab leaves to trim and I grab onto a big fat green caterpillar the size of D's finger, and it poops all over me.  I just throw it and do just a small hee-bee-gee-bee dance. 

but most of all...

10.  Made me a bad mom.  I''ll be working on the grapes and Rachel and Grace will walk out to tell me something.  100 degree heat index, one will be in a snow suit and the other in a sweater dress, barn boots and knit tights. 
"MOM!  Jessica has a sucker and I want one too."
"Where did she get a sucker?" As I brush the sweat out of my eyes.
"From the toy box, and I want one.  Can I have it?" Rachel asks as sweat is pouring off her head and beading off her snow suit.
"More like choking on it and it's full of fuzz and dust," says Grace rolling her eyes. 
"WHAT? Where's your older sister?" As I throw my stuff down and start running up to the house,  tripping on a some vine because of the sweat blindness.
"She's not paying attention...she's watchin' Swamp People. We got scared.  Can I have a cool pop?"
"Na-uh!  It's Gator People, and they are baitin' alligators with rags soaked in chicken blood.  Can we do that?" Rachel asked
"Get to the house!" I call over my shoulder as I regain my composure and start running again. 
Damn kids!  I get to the house, every thing's fine and Spongebob is on. 

First thing they say as I run through the door is...
"Can we have a cool pop? It's super hot in here (really in 70 degree AC?) but mom! The little girls have had five!"

Happy trails, and don't do monotonous work alone.  Look what could happen to you.
Fairchild Farmgirl


  1. You are so funny! :)
    I wouldn't freak over the mice--dead or alive--but the pooping giant caterpillar--Awk!!!
    Can I have a cool pop? Sorry, I couldn't resist. ;)

  2. Made you your own best friend? A small vineyard can do for you what years of therapy couldn't do for me. Open a therapy booth like Peppermint Patty! xoxo Terah