For Christmas I bought Ron and Cody a guided turkey hunt on the Rosebud Indian Reservation in western South Dakota. This meant that he actually had to go. And have the time of his life. With our eldest boy. And leave me in charge. Of everything. The cows. The kids. The sheep. The chickens. The house. The shop. The everything else.
As he was leaving, he was nervous about what he was going to talk about with his computer loving son who would not have his computer along for 3 whole days. I was nervous about a cow calving with a half broke down chute. He was hoping that the guy feeding cattle was going to understand his directions, ( okay so I didn't have to feed cattle...whew!) I was hoping that my sheep weren't going to magically find some corn somewhere and keel over from eating too much.
I had a plan. Maybe if I talk to them, they might listen to reason.
I went outside after he left with my two ranch hands; Maggie, my speech writer, and Levi my spotter. We told the animals that it was going to be my way or the highway. Here's what we said.
Good morning critters,
Big D and Cody are going to be gone for 3 whole days. Usually in the past, the dust hasn't even settled on the driveway and you are already plotting against me. This time will be different. I will call neighbors that have horses as well as four wheelers that start and have gas in them (sometimes not the case here). I have promised many pies to friends and neighbors who may have to help. They have tasted my cooking and like it.
Sparky...if you get into the strawberries again, I will go online and find a recipe that calls for you. There's got to be "Jackass Souffle" or something I can make or think up. Be good.
Sheep, lets face it if you live through whatever you have done to yourself, prices are too good. I will just sell you. Behave.
Fluff dog, stop stealing my boots I may need them in an emergency...you are aware we have a life insurance policy on you correct?
If one more rabbit comes up with some weird malady, well lets just say, I pray each night that the guy calls back that wants to buy all of you.
And to all you cows, no getting out, no getting sick and no having a calf until Saturday night when Big D gets back. Especially you Cowzilla, I noticed that you are getting quite the utter on you. Your owner jokingly said we should get a helicopter in when you calve. Not funny...I know people. I also know how you want to put a tattoo of your hoof on my forehead. Can't we just get along?
The new sheriff in town